92YQs: Em & Lo and Odd Todd

Neither connected or meaningful to each other, much less on their own, Em & Lo make me think of Brian Battjer's balls while Odd Todd reminds me of a conversation I had with Jami Attenberg.

Em & Lo, Sexperts: "But anyway, it turns out that in LA, a city of serious actors and Idol-wannabes, “so bad it’s good” isn’t the karaoke mantra, and people get kind of embarrassed for you if you hit a wrong note or act stupid up there. So we just sat it out."

Odd Todd, Cartoonist: "I think there should be a requirement that any new building that goes up should be easy to imagine still standing in 150 years. Any new building that doesn’t meet that requirement should be ripped off its foundations and thrown in the river by a giant robot."

I smell, period.

Joel Stein in Time on Frank Portman's King Dork:

"And the video clip that Portman, experienced at self-promoting from years in an indie band, put on YouTube to publicize his book helped Ferrell's company see it as a film."

I could quibble over Stein's lack of proper video credit but I'd rather make an appeal directly to Mr. Ferrell. May I interest you in a homoerotic fantasy of sci-fi-Zionism that boldly re-examines the history of Modern Israel through a six-hour prog rock operetta?

Bird, Hand, Bush (Do the heavy lifting yourself)

Franz Stehrn (another mysterioso) is itching for confirmation on the Eurotrash-edited Gawker blog but he won't get an official one until the day it launches. In the meantime, he'll have to settle with this Radar item. I believe they have reporting standards so consider it coming from the Mount.

Of course, it's not like blog hires are "secret information" or anything. I mean, my ba-geezus, what happens now that this information is...feel free to take a bathroom break, the wait is gonna be about 15 mins for this...OUT THERE? Oooh, the chilllllls! I have no idea what to do with this knowledge but since my lobotomist on Long Island went out of business, I'm going to start padding my apartment with back issues of Vogue just in case.

But the real juicy stuff is the list of New York media-related people courted by Denton for various Gawker gigs who have rejected his offers. It covers the length of Broadway like a zebra-skin rug. Fake, I assume, because zebras are not indigenous to North London or warm to the cast iron of our own SoHo. I also hear a spot or two might be opening up on the flagship. The Denton Mother is half-mast and fully-pissed.

Related: I once saw Delly stick a tampon up her nose during brunch at Public. She'll turn the GM "douchebag" culture on its head. Worth the wait. Stay tuned, no clicking...

You Might Be In A Bubble...(Or The Jason Calacanis Happy Hour)

From Jackson West/SFist's coverage of SXSW, March 2005. These days Lock is still going camo, Calacanis burns his cigars at both ends, and I've grown even more chins.

YM and LockhartSteele.com are co-hosting a happy hour for newly unemployed Jason Calacanis on Friday, December 1 at The Magician*. 6:30pm until an armed credit card cop shows up. No email invite is being sent, so make friends with open sores and spread the word.

*It's like we're not even trying anymore.

You may have better plimsoles but you can't pee standing up

Without Explanation: I have a broken record and it used to be one of my favorites, but now it keeps playing "this is the dumbest shit I've ever read" whenever I set the needle down. Seriously, it's time for the Gawker blog-jockeys to sign their own posts.

Erudite commentary has given way to a crudité platter of carrot-top humor, badly peppered strips, and crunchless celebrity sticks. A hungry audience demands accountability. Actually, I'm just curious. I can't tell who writes what over there anymore. Formality check, please.

Maybe that British chick who will be the editor of Gawker's new blog about women's magazines will liven the joint up. People love accents, even in print. In the meantime, Radar, NYM's Daily Intel, the Observer, Eat The Press, Fishbowl, Curbed, Gothamist, Jossip, and the 92Y Blog remain indispensable reads.

"So we go inside and we gravely read the stones" (Some dizzy whore, 1804)

In 8th grade we had to pick science projects from a hat filled with strips of paper, presumably because students are forbidden by the Board of Ed. to pull something directly out of a teacher's ass; my good fortune read "gravestone weathering." I decided to measure the effects of urban vs. suburban cemeteries (I settled on ones from DC to Bowie, MD) which seems like an excessively morbid way to learn about acid rain and wind erosion. I live above Silver Monuments now.

The Alternate History of 125 Stanton which counts no less than 10 people who lived in its two 2nd floor apartments and shared cups of sugar, DNA and many bottle-ly fluids will be available in paperback (or a PDF of blog posts) by summer 2011.

Chop Chop #2

This is the complete new 29 minute episode of my show, "Chop Chop" episode #2. Thanks for watching!

"Innocent People Don't Need Lawyers"

Audio of Robert Altman and Garrison Keillor at Makor, October 30, 2006

Life's a Riot with Spiers vs. Spiers

Does the topic of Cold War-era communist espionage and Time Inc's Henry Luce interest you? Anyone? Sterling? Look, Britney's sex tape!

Oh, that title means nothing, like everything else on YM.

The Bible Rewrite Project

And now back to The Bible Rewrite Project...

NOTE: Original Text appears in Italics. Rewrite follows in Plain Text.

Genesis 10

The Families After Noah's Sons

Now these are the generations of the sons of Noah: Shem, Ham, and Japheth; and unto them were sons born after the flood.

The Families After Noah's Sons

These are the families of Shem, Ham and Japheth, the sons of Noah, and of their families. Sons were born to them after the flood.

The sons of Japheth: Gomer, and Magog, and Madai, and Javan, and Tubal, and Meshech, and Tiras. And the sons of Gomer: Ashkenaz and Riphath and Togarmah. And the sons of Javan: Elishah and Tarshish, Kittim and Dodanim. By these were the isles of the Gentiles divided into their lands, every one after his own tongue, according to their families, into their nations.

The sons of Japheth were Gomer, Magog, Madai, Javan, Tubal, Meshech, and Tiras. The sons of Gomer were Ashkenaz, Riphath, and Togarmah. The sons of Javan were Elishah, Tarshish, Kittim, and Dodanim. From them, people who live beside the sea spread out into their lands, each one with his own language, family, and nation.

And the sons of Ham: Cush and Mizraim, and Put and Canaan. And the sons of Cush: Seba and Havilah, and Sabtah and Raamah and Sabtechah; and the sons of Raamah: Sheba, and Dedan. And Cush begot Nimrod; he began to be a mighty one on the earth. He was a mighty hunter before the LORD; therefore it is said, "Even as Nimrod the mighty hunter before the LORD." And the beginning of his kingdom was Babel and Erech, and Accad, and Calneh, in the land of Shinar. Out of that land he went forth to Assyria, and built Nineveh and the city Rehoboth, and Calah, and Resen between Nineveh and Calah; the same is a great city. And Mizraim begot Ludim and Anamim and Lehabim, and Naphtuhim and Pathrusim and Casluhim (out of whom came the Philistines) and Caphtorim.

The sons of Ham were Cush, Mizraim, Put, and Canaan. The sons of Cush were Seba, Havilah, Sabtah, Raamah, and Sabteca. The sons of Raamah were Sheba and Dedan. Cush became the father of Nimrod, who was the first powerful man on earth. Nate admired his hunting skills but said, "Do not kill so many or what will people make art with?" The beginning of his nation was Babel, Erech, Accad, and Calneh, in the land of Shinar. He went into Assyria from the land, and built Nineveh, Rehoboth-Ir, Calah and Resen between Nineveh and Calah. That is a great city. Mizraim became the father of Ludim, Anamim, Lehabim, Naphtuhim, Pathrusim, Casluhim (from which came the Philistines), and Caphtorim.

And Canaan begot Sidon his firstborn, and Heth; and the Jebusite and the Amorite, and the Girgashite and the Hivite, and the Arkite and the Sinite, and the Arvadite and the Zemarite and the Hamathite; and afterward were the families of the Canaanites spread abroad. And the border of the Canaanites was from Sidon as thou comest to Gerar, unto Gaza; and as thou goest unto Sodom and Gomorrah, and Admah and Zeboiim, even unto Lasha. These are the sons of Ham, according to their families, according to their tongues, in their countries and in their nations.

Canaan became the father of Sidon, his first-born, and Heth, and the Jebusite, the Amorite, the Girgashite, the Hivite, the Arkite, the Sinite, the Arvadite, the Zemarite, and the Hamathite. Later the Canaanite families spread out. So the land of the Canaanite was from Sidon toward Gerar as far as Gaza, then toward Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah and Zeboiim as far as Lasha. These are the sons of Ham, by their families, languages, lands and nations.

Unto Shem also, the father of all the children of Eber, the brother of Japheth the elder, even to him were children born. The children of Shem: Elam and Asshur, and Arphaxad and Lud and Aram. And the children of Aram: Uz and Hul, and Gether and Mash. And Arphaxad begot Salah, and Salah begot Eber. And unto Eber were born two sons: the name of one was Peleg, for in his days was the earth divided; and his brother's name was Joktan. And Joktan begot Almodad and Sheleph, and Hazarmaveth and Jerah, and Hadoram and Uzal and Diklah, and Obal and Abimael and Sheba, and Ophir and Havilah and Jobab; all these were the sons of Joktan. And their dwelling was from Mesha as thou goest unto Sephar, a mount of the east. These are the sons of Shem, according to their families, according to their tongues, in their lands, according to their nations.

Children were born to Shem, the father of all the children of Eber, and the older brother of Japheth. The sons of Shem were Elam, Asshur, Arpachshad, Lud, and Aram. The sons of Aram were Uz, Hul, Gether, and Mash. Arpachshad became the father of Shelah. Shelah became the father of Eber. Eber had two sons. The name of one was Peleg, for the earth was divided in his day. The name of his brother was Joktan. Joktan became the father of Almodad, Sheleph, Hazarmaveth, Jerah, Hadoram, Uzal, Diklah, Obal, Abimael, Sheba, Ophir, Havilah, and Jobab. All these were the sons of Joktan. The land where they lived was from Mesha toward Sephar to the hill country of the east. These are the sons of Shem, by their families, languages, lands and nations.

These are the families of the sons of Noah, according to their generations, in their nations; and by these were the nations divided on the earth after the flood.

These are the families of the sons of Noah. From these family groups, nations were spread over the earth after the flood.

The Other Side of the Mounting

"Or maybe you should do a blog post about how you're always asking your bloggers to out people--I've heard this from three Gawker bloggers so far." - Jason Calacanis on Nick Denton

This is a slippery slope of K2-Y jelly. Naming Jews and Communists in Hollywood will be next.

Also: Gawker Deathwatch from Diary of a Rat [via, who else, Calacanis]

Classic TOP: February 4, 2004

"I've got a bike, you can ride it if you like..."

Google:

Humbly, I would like to declare my candidacy for the job of Creative Maximizer. I believe this letter will show that I bring the necessary skills and that my credentials and passion are a perfect match for this demanding position.

For instance, John McPhee and his volume on oranges¹ and Nicholson Baker and his discourse on shoe laces and assorted minutiae² are the bibles on which I lay my hand and swear an oath to obey the written word's exactitude. I dare say, finding the mot juste is not just a skill I possess; it is a religion, of which I am as passionate about as Robert Burton and his precious melancholy³.

Trained by the Pulitzer Prize-winning poet Charles Simic, who taught me to notice the expansiveness of even the smallest, most commonplace object, I can turn out succinct and accurate phrases that inspire, compel, and enlighten - with the goal of persuading readers to experience their own broad palette of emotions. I quote a verse from my work The Bicycle Poems as an example:

"I love to ride my bicycle,
I love to ride my bike."
The uncontrollable illusion created
by the whirring spokes of a bicycle wheel
like trying to get a song out of your head.⁴

Additionally, I know that the written word is malleable and that to keep up the writer must be as well. To this end, my mind is as flexible as a bean bag and as sharp as the aroma of the finest cheddar. If need be, I can ape Hemingway's terse descriptive passages and then the next moment tap the depths of my vocabulary and pen florid, extended prose a la Joseph Conrad. Once, to win a bar bet, I mimicked Neal Pollack's boastful style so convincingly I startled even myself and had to check my scalp to see that I had not, in fact, turned into the satirist. Thankfully, my hair was still there.

At age five on a family trip to Old Sturbridge Village, I mastered Mad Libs instantly, intuitively knowing what punch line would bring the greatest amusement to the carload of family members. To me, the jumble is a Rorschach test, not just an enjoyable way to pass the time. Scrabble is a window to the human soul. And of course, quite simply put, the crossword is a sublime creation.

I can bring this appreciation and these skills to Google, in its effort to mine words and extract the influence they command. I look forward to discussing this opportunity with you and the Google staff.

Sincerely,
Chris Gage

1 Oranges, John A. McPhee, Noonday Press; Reissue edition, April 1991
2 The Mezzanine, Nicholson Baker Vintage Books; Reissue edition, January 1990
3 The Anatomy of Melancholy, Robert Burton,New York Review of Books; April 9, 2001
4 The Bicycle Poems, Chris Gage, 2001

The Bicycle Poems

I.

It's turning out to be a truly fine year for bicycles.
At once point demand was worldwide, aging like wine in barrels
and wouldn't arrive here for another two years.

II.

Ah, the weather paragraph: A fine day for a ride,
with a back-wind rolling off the hills,
like a child losing his marbles
down a flight of stairs.

III.

"I love to ride my bicycle,
I love to ride my bike."
The uncontrollable illusion created
by the whirring spokes of a bicycle wheel
like trying to get a song unstuck from your head.

IV.

The Sunday rider in hat and scarfhas made a mess out of Euclid.
He has no regard for Shackleton,
no truck with Einstein --
no end in sight,
no where to be.
He describes a perfect, random path,
where it appeared there was no such thing.


Originally published on The Other Page, February 4, 2004. Credit: Chris Gage

Duane Reade, I'd Like To Thank You For Everything (Primarily Your Glass Vials)

I was going to say that Jason Calacanis resigning from AOL during the week that Nick Denton decided to become a full-time tech blogger is like the surfacing of Paris Hilton's sex tape when Fleshbot launched, but then I realized I was the only person in the room with a hard-on. Very familiar territory for me. The only thing left to do is to complete this triangle jerk with the sweet sounds of ecstasy - a clip from Calacanis's most recent podcast.

CalacanisCast - "It Feels Low Rent" [via Calacanis.com]

Dr. Frank The Tank

Will Ferrell's production company has bought the film rights to Frank Portman's King Dork. Congrats, man.

Previously: King Dork Book Tour and King Dork Gawker Party.

Denton, Day 2: Let's Expand, Separate the Good Water From the Bad

I'm guest-blogging over at Valleywag, check it out.

Commenter "99" does likewise by guest-blogging below. Create, destroy, things, life, whatnot. Blog it backward...

Are you going to cover the oddly defensive log rolling coverage of the Will Leitch deal? No one else will. Or is it just that Kate Lee Express obviates pointing out that some bloggers (*cough* Dana Vachon *cough*) have scored big scratch (though Lee isn't swinging those kinds of dollars, is she?). So Deadspin gives a column to a guy who then writes a book contract to the guy give him the gig - isn't that the definition of insider baseball favoritism that makes Conde Nast repugnant? Or is it that they are just thinner?

If we could get the numbers, then, couldn't we precisely calculate the long-term value of issuing guest posting gigs at Gawker properties (at least, for industry flunkies)? At least it's a business model for the content creators to work with.

I'm behind on my lit blog reading so I'll have to follow-up later. In the meantime, you should really get something for that cough.

VW Bus: Ride the Magic

If Nick Denton is involved, you can be sure the truth is very far behind. Disappearing from the rear-view mirror. Tiny dot on the horizon. Out of sight. No longer in the race. Off the radar. Down a dark abandoned road. Missing headlights. Lost in the woods. Starless night. Huddling with Boy Scouts. Marshmallows burnt beyond recognition. Faces masked with war paint. Stampede to the lake for midnight banana boat races and drilling wrestlers... To put it simply, we'll probably never know the real reasons behind the swift ousting of Nick Douglas from Valleywag, but this much is certain: Denton is blogging full-time and that's a good thing. An example:

FM Publishing is a rival, in business model, at least, of Gawker Media, owner of Valleywag. John Battelle, when Valleywag launched, said that gossip wasn't part of Silicon Valley's DNA, a contention we obviously disagree with. And Battelle and I have a relationship that's superficially friendly, but is more accurately described as passive-aggressive. He's bullish, and that annoys me. I thought "The Search: How Google and Its Rivals Rewrote the Rules of Business and Transformed Our Culture", Battelle's book, was sycophantic. I'm sure I've forgotten something.

1. That's funny, mainly because Denton has that kind of relationship with pretty much everyone. 2. The real value in the writing comes from squeezing his own juice to the delight of Valleywag's insider audience. 3. He should abandon any thought of hoping to establish this new direction for a future editor and just do it himself.

More on this story as the week progresses when I have a chance to absorb the facts and choose which ones to ignore.

Saturday's Kidding

To my 79 (now 77 and rapidly counting backwards) Dball friends in NYC: There are no social clubs with hyphenated surnames in Pelham Bay, no Lonely Girl pit stops on Bronx Brit pub crawls recommended by amNY, and definitely no Angry Worker-owned seafood shacks selling fish-n-chipwiches, as tasty as that sounds. (Sorry, Dens.) I was only hanging with The Fam. Totally sober, too.

Image: Hugh Grant Circle, Bronx (via Forgotten NY)

The Jam:
1. Smithers-Jones (previously posted here)
2. Liza Radley (previously posted here)
3. Billy Hunt

Previously: More from The Other Page's Jamuary Week, 2004: Saturday's Kids, Going Underground, That's Entertainment

Gore Vidal Quotes

From last night's reading at the 92nd Street Y:

"The last time I sat on this stage, I was afflicted by a fly. An awful fly that kept buzzing around my head as I spoke [...] After a while, I realized the fly was the late Truman Capote."

Read more.

Also, Woody Allen was in attendance. Regular balcony seats, if you're curious.

Judith Miller Talks Apartment Therapy

Antique Expert Judith Miller: 5 Questions from Apartment Therapy's Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan [92Y Blog]

War's over, man. Pelosi dropped the big one.

From the Desk of YM's Montgomery County Correspondent:

This book review of the real Animal House got me wondering about its best movie line. I grabbed a few of them at IMDB.

Flounder: You guys playing cards?

Bluto: Grab a brew. Don't cost nothin'.

Hoover: I just checked with the guys at the Jewish house and they said that every one of our answers on the Psych test was wrong.

Dean Vernon Wormer: Put Neidermeyer on it. He's a sneaky little shit just like you.

However, I think Bluto's "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?" speech is the most famous - and not just because they play it in the last 5 minutes of Washington Capitals hockey games. It also has a timeless political message. Picture if you will GW Bush and crew sitting in the Oval Office on or about Jan 22 2002, the 1st State of the Union speech after 9/11...

GW Bush: Was it over when Saddam bombed the Twin Towers?
Cheney: Saddam?
Rummy: Forget it, he's rolling
Bush: And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough... [thinks hard] the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go! [runs out, alone; then returns]
Bush: What the fuck happened to the Republicans I used to know? Where's the guts, huh? "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you George, we might get in trouble with the Democrats." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Saddam, he's a dead man! Iran President, dead! Clinton...
Cheney: Dead! George's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons and not nearly enough troops that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.
Bush: We're just the guys to do it.
Rummy: Let's do it.
All: LET'S DO IT!

Welcome, Young Marylandite

Perhaps you've noticed that the YM group blog project hasn't exactly taken off. I know, who saw that coming? So it's down to me and a masked dude who scrapes dead animals off the road for art. Fitting, like a snug cat-skin papoose. But now another soulless brave joins us from the Purple Line of Maryland. Let's call him "Monty Cliffs" unless he decides Hank Deedle is more appropriate. Here's his first baby step into blogging.

Apparently this Owings Mills High School graduate did not care for the knish shop in Pikesville. How do you go from rooting for the Ravens in high-school to joining the Jihad? Did he have a bad Preakness experience and decide America had to be stopped? He should have just strapped himself with a six-pack, jumped the fences and run around the horse track.

This is a public service announcement (with guitar!)

From The Citizen's Guide to Refusing New York Subway Searches:

1. When Refusing a Search, Be Cool
If you choose to walk through a random search area and are stopped, you may refuse to be searched. In fact, Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly has said that you are free to "turn around and leave" any subway system where police are conducting random searches.

So if you are stopped, remain calm and courteous. And don't ever -- under any circumstances -- talk back or raise your voice to the police officer. You have nothing to gain -- and everything to lose -- by escalating the hostility level of the encounter.

Calmly and clearly say "Officer, I do not consent to any searches. I'm going to exit the station." Then immediately exit the station -- and do not return through the same entrance.

More...

FlexYourRights.org
Flex Your Head

I Cut Myself

Be careful with scalpels please.

Publisher's Note About This Video: 1. Contains dead animals, blood and a knife-wielding artist. You've been warned. 2. Please direct all opinions and/or search warrants to Nate Hill, the video's creator. 3. I have no official comment other than to commend the choice of background music, Syndicate of Sound's classic "Little Girl" covered by the Dead Boys.

Comment Is Freeloading

When I mentioned something the other day about Gothamist's redesign, Brian Van on Gawker as Malcolm Gladwell, and Fibonacci number series it would have been impossible to predict what came next in the sequence. Still, "a day early and a denominator lower" doesn't explain the magnitude of this miscalculation: Gawker Comments and Customer Service Under Fire.

Chastity Rome-Chick Blues

Video for The Thrill of the Chaste: Dawn Eden fucks Bob Dylan silly.

Related: Book trailers are all the rage.

The Bible Rewrite Project

And now back to The Bible Rewrite Project...

NOTE: Original Text appears in Italics. Rewrite follows in Plain Text.

Genesis 9

God's Agreement With Noah

And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth. And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, upon all that moveth upon the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered. Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things. "But flesh with the life thereof, which is the blood thereof, shall ye not eat. And surely your blood of your lives will I require. At the hand of every beast will I require it, and at the hand of man; at the hand of every man's brother will I require the life of man. Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed; for in the image of God made He man. And you, be ye fruitful and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein."

Nate's Agreement With Noah

Nate brought good fortune to Noah and his sons, and said to them, "Have many children, and cover the earth. Every animal of the earth, every bird of the sky, everything that moves on the ground, and all the fish of the sea will be afraid of you. They are given into your hand. They are blank canvases for your imagination to feed upon. Remake them. You may choose to eat them. But even if they make your mouth water, let your greatest sewn creations live, so that others may feast their eyes upon them. Learn and get better at sewing what you sew. I give all to you as I gave you the limbed fruit. But you must not eat meat with blood in it because that is its life. For sure, I will take the life of every animal and every person for taking a life. I will punish every man's brother for taking the life of man. Whoever takes the life of a man will have his life taken. I have made man like Me. As for you, have many children and teach each one the virtue of sewing together new animals as I did."

Noah and to his sons with him, saying, "And I, behold, I establish My covenant with you and with your seed after you, and with every living creature that is with you -- of the fowl, of the cattle, and of every beast of the earth with you, from all that go out of the ark to every beast of the earth. And I will establish My covenant with you: Neither shall all flesh be cut off any more by the waters of a flood; neither shall there any more be a flood to destroy the earth." And God said, "This is the token of the covenant which I make between Me and you and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations: I do set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between Me and the earth. And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud. And I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh, and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh. And the rainbow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth." And God said unto Noah, "This is the token of the covenant which I have established between Me and all flesh that is upon the earth."

Then Nate said to Noah and his sons, "I will make you a promise for all time. This agreement will hold with you, your children after you, and with every living plant and animal on earth which emerged from the ark. Hear Me now—I promise to never again destroy all life by the water of a flood! There will never again be a flood to destroy the earth." Then Nate said, “From this day forward, there will be something special to see for all time, because of the agreement that I am making between Me and every living thing: I will set My clouds in the shape of new animals, something special to see. Look for the goat head on the fish. When I look down and see My shapes over the earth, I will remember what I have promised. Never again will the water become a flood to destroy all life. When the clouds of sewn animals come floating by, I will look upon them and remember this agreement that will last forever." Nate said to Noah, "This is a special thing to see."

Noah and His Sons

And the sons of Noah who went forth from the ark were Shem and Ham and Japheth; and Ham is the father of Canaan. These are the three sons of Noah, and from them was the whole earth overspread.

Noah And His Sons

The sons of Noah who came out of the large boat were Shem, Ham and Japheth. Ham was the father of Canaan. These three were the sons of Noah. And all the people of the earth came from them.

And Noah began to be a husbandman, and he planted a vineyard. And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent. And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father and told his two brethren outside. And Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were turned away, and they saw not their father's nakedness. And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him. And he said, "Cursed be Canaan! A servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren." And he said, "Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant. God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant."

Then Noah became a farmer and planted a grape field where he made wine. He drank a lot of wine, drank too much, and one day fell asleep naked in the tent. Ham, the father of Canaan, saw that his father was without clothes and in a deep sleep, so he deviously placed his father’s hand in a pig carcass and sewed it closed. Ham told his two brothers outside. But Shem and Japheth took a coat and laying it upon their shoulders, walked in with their backs toward their father and covered him. Their faces were turned away, so that they did not see him naked. When Noah awoke from his wine, he knew what his youngest son had done to him because he recognized the stitching pattern in the pig gut. So he said, "May Canaan be cursed! He will be a servant of servants to his brothers." He also said, "Honor and thanks be to Nate. Let Canaan be Shem's servant. May Nate make Japheth great. Let him live in the tents of Shem. And let Canaan be his servants."

And Noah lived after the flood three hundred and fifty years. And all the days of Noah were nine hundred and fifty years, and he died.

Noah lived 350 years after the flood. So Noah lived 950 years before he died.

Gawker Media Has Compromised Your Personal Data

Malatron at A Blog Soup uncovered a major security flaw with Gawker Comments. First AOL, now Gawker Media. Calacanis and Denton can't do anything without one copying the other. But fear not, abused reader. Broken windows are often a cellar door of inspiration and if you ever registered an email address on a GM blog then you're in luck. Stay tuned for your Daily YM/ABS email newsletter landing in your inbox soon. Subject matter still undecided. I'm leaning towards something on crime.

All paid emails will be clearly labeled "exasperated."

UPDATE: Read the comments. Lockhart Steele acknowledges Gawker Media staff knew about the security flaw in August 2006 but decided not to inform their readers of it. Wow, that is unconsciousable. It's easy to say "there's nothing to see here, folks" when you're not being transparent. I'll try to get Consumerist on the case.

Cutting Off the Long Tail Will Only Make It Grow Back Thicker

1. Follow-up to the Jason Calacanis Wikipedia Perpetual Fundraising Machine (JCWPFM) model*: He gets close to something that is considerably less offensive than his previous ideas. The latest proposal involves adding a simple non-branded "search the web" box at the top or left sidebar of Wikipedia pages to mint money in a similar way Firefox does.

That almost buys a ticket on the non-commercial gravy train but it's really no different than hosting an indefinite searchathon without the possible benefit of catching a dirty naked hippie butt between pledge breaks. (Though maybe you'd get a Wikipedia umbrella after your 100th search?) Nah, nice thought but totally unnecessary. If that's what you want, just get Google and Yahoo to slice off some of their salami billions to fund Wikipedia and other charitable causes directly. Why add complicated layers to the philanthropy process? It's the Internet, dude. AOL Keyword: Disintermediation.

*JC, like how I avoided the dirty "ad" word?

2. Hi-fives and gentle chest-bumps for Jeff Jarvis in his handling of a request from Richard Edelman and the Word of Mouth Marketing Association (who don't even deserve linkage) to speak at their next conference. He basically said, "this mouth is not for rent." Preach it, Father Jarvis. I would have gone with, "we do not suck cock for money."

3. Bonus Brain Tazer: On 10/30, Gothamist got a redesign and today Brian Van was pictured on Gawker as Malcolm Gladwell. What's next in the Fibonacci number series for Friday?

92YQ: Larry Getlen and Mark Katz

Is the joke dead? Decide for yourself.

Larry Getlen and Mark Katz