Crazy Like A Very Old Fox
Here's how John McCain (maybe) just won the election. What are his weaknesses?
1. He's old.
She's 44. (And kinda hot.)
2. He's a rich bastard.
Her husband is somehow a fisherman, an oil man, and a steelworker all at the same. Fuck you, Amtrak.
3. He's not Hillary Clinton.
She's a mom, who shoots guns.
4. Iraq.
Listen closely, because this is the important part. Any and all conversations about Iraq, from now and until forever, begin and end with one statement from his running mate. "I'm a worried mother, and my eldest boy, my baby, is fighting in Iraq right now so that you can sit on your ass and eat salads." End of discussion. Not even the "we want to bring him home now" defense is useless against the boy's own mother. You can't argue with a mom. You just can't.
And (dear god forbid, no one wants this, so hopefully just suggesting it is a jinx, because lord knows, no one on the tv dares whisper it) if something should happen to her son while he's overseas (anything bad at all; i don't need to remind you of the possibilities) ... they win. It's over. Could anyone anywhere deny a grieving mother?
Even if nothing happens (and I truly hope he comes back safe), it's a brilliant pick. I really think he's going to win.
(P.S. Which brings up a legitimate non-partisan question: Should the son of a potential vice-president really being serving in a war zone? In the infantry no less? Especially if they win; wouldn't he have to come home?)
1. He's old.
She's 44. (And kinda hot.)
2. He's a rich bastard.
Her husband is somehow a fisherman, an oil man, and a steelworker all at the same. Fuck you, Amtrak.
3. He's not Hillary Clinton.
She's a mom, who shoots guns.
4. Iraq.
Listen closely, because this is the important part. Any and all conversations about Iraq, from now and until forever, begin and end with one statement from his running mate. "I'm a worried mother, and my eldest boy, my baby, is fighting in Iraq right now so that you can sit on your ass and eat salads." End of discussion. Not even the "we want to bring him home now" defense is useless against the boy's own mother. You can't argue with a mom. You just can't.
And (dear god forbid, no one wants this, so hopefully just suggesting it is a jinx, because lord knows, no one on the tv dares whisper it) if something should happen to her son while he's overseas (anything bad at all; i don't need to remind you of the possibilities) ... they win. It's over. Could anyone anywhere deny a grieving mother?
Even if nothing happens (and I truly hope he comes back safe), it's a brilliant pick. I really think he's going to win.
(P.S. Which brings up a legitimate non-partisan question: Should the son of a potential vice-president really being serving in a war zone? In the infantry no less? Especially if they win; wouldn't he have to come home?)
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